Notice the pattern.
Recognise recurring reactions, communication habits and behaviours that can leave both partners feeling stuck.
CHRISTCHURCH & ONLINE ACROSS NEW ZEALAND
Relational Life Therapy for couples in New Zealand.
Understand what keeps you stuck. Find a different way forward, together.
I'm Kristen Tandy, a Christchurch-based counsellor and RLT Certified Couples Therapist ++. I help couples explore what's happening beneath recurring conflict, grow their understanding of one another, and practise more connected ways of relating.
In person in Ōtautahi Christchurch / Online across Aotearoa
Kristen
TandyCOUNSELLOR & RLT CERTIFIED THERAPIST
TandyCOUNSELLOR & RLT CERTIFIED THERAPIST
A real person in the room.Warmth, honesty and a way forward.
SOUND FAMILIAR?
When you keep finding yourselves in the same place.
Maybe you've had the conversation a hundred times. You both know how it usually ends, yet somehow you find yourselves back there again.
Or perhaps you're not arguing much at all. You've simply grown apart, and neither of you is quite sure how to get closer.
Couples counselling isn't about finding the person who's right. It's about seeing what's happening between you, understanding what each of you brings into those moments, and working out what could be different.
Repeating argumentsGrowing distanceTrust & repairFeeling unheardResentmentDifferent needs
THE APPROACH
What is Relational Life Therapy?
Relational Life Therapy (RLT) is a couples therapy approach developed by family therapist and author Terry Real. It looks at the patterns beneath conflict and disconnection, including how earlier relationships and experiences can shape the way we react today.
RLT brings together compassionate honesty, accountability, emotional understanding and practical skills. Instead of only revisiting what went wrong, the work also focuses on how you can respond differently when it matters.
A THREE-PART FRAMEWORK
Recognising patterns. Understanding their roots. Practising a new way.
Explore what's underneath.
Make sense of the earlier experiences, emotional wounds or protective strategies that may be influencing the present.
Practise a new way.
Build everyday skills for boundaries, accountability, repair and more connected conversations.
RLT's official framework describes these phases as Wake Up, Healing Trauma and Lifelong Skills. The work is tailored to each couple; not every approach or intervention is suitable for every situation. Learn about RLT from the Relational Life Institute
WHY RLT?
Not just a conversation about the last argument.
In RLT, the focus is on the ways you relate to one another, especially in the moments when things get difficult.
“We can understand where a pattern came from and still take responsibility for what we do with it now.”
Compassion with accountability
There is room for understanding each person's experience while also naming behaviours that may be hurting the relationship. Responsibility doesn't always sit equally with both partners.
Look beneath the reaction
How we learned to protect ourselves, ask for connection or manage hurt can make a difference to how we show up with a partner today.
Insight you can use
The work goes beyond understanding a dynamic to practising boundaries, listening, repair and ways of having more useful conversations.
An engaged therapist
My style is warm, collaborative and direct. I won't be a blank slate in the room; I'll help us pay attention to what is unfolding between you.
YOUR RELATIONSHIP
What can we work on together?
There isn't one kind of couple who comes to counselling. You may be in the middle of a crisis, or simply noticing that something important has been missing for a while.
Communication & conflict
When the same disagreements escalate or productive conversations feel out of reach.
Distance & disconnection
When you feel more like housemates than partners, or closeness has become difficult.
Trust & infidelity
When a breach of trust has left you unsure what repair could look like, or whether it's possible.
Resentment & old hurts
When unresolved experiences keep resurfacing and making it harder to feel understood.
Parenting & life transitions
When changing roles, family demands or significant decisions are affecting your partnership.
Questions about your future
When you need support understanding where things stand and what the next steps might be.
Your safety matters. Where there is coercion, violence or ongoing intimidation, couples counselling may not be the most appropriate or safest first step. Suitability can be discussed confidentially, and other support may be recommended.
RLT Certified Couples Therapist ++Advanced-level Relational Life Therapy designation
THE PERSON BEHIND THE PRACTICE
Kia ora, I'm Kristen.
I know that deciding to start couples counselling is a big step. You may be nervous about talking to someone you don't know, unsure whether things can change, or wondering what it will feel like to say the difficult things out loud.
I'm a relationally focused counsellor. My work is about helping people understand the patterns they find themselves in and explore how to connect more honestly and intentionally. I aim to be a real person in the room with you: warm, grounded, engaged and willing to have the conversations that matter.
Originally from California, I now live and practise in Ōtautahi Christchurch and work online with couples across Aotearoa New Zealand. I'm a partner and a parent, and I understand that relationships live in the middle of real, complicated lives.
Qualifications & training
- Master of Arts in Counseling and Career Development, Colorado State University
- Bachelor of Arts in Psychology, California State University, Chico
- RLT Certified Couples Therapist ++
- New Zealand Association of Counsellors — Provisional member #15817
- Training in the Gottman Method, Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy and systemic family therapy
WHERE WE MEET
Christchurch, or wherever you call home.
Specialist relationship counselling can be accessible whether you're nearby or on the other side of the country.
Couples counselling
in Christchurch
Meet with me face to face in Ōtautahi Christchurch, Canterbury. Location details and appointment options are available through my existing booking arrangements.
Christchurch, New ZealandOnline couples therapy
across New Zealand
From Auckland, Wellington and Hamilton to Dunedin, Queenstown and regional communities, online appointments make it possible to work together without travelling to Christchurch.
Available across Aotearoa NZConsidering a first session?Choose a session and view availability through my secure online booking page.
View appointments GETTING STARTED
One step at a time.
Explore an appointment
Choose an appointment from the live online booking system or send an enquiry if you have a question first.
Begin the conversation
We can start by making sense of what brings you here and what each of you hopes might change.
Work on what matters
We look at the patterns in your relationship and explore new ways of understanding, responding and relating.
GOOD QUESTIONS
Frequently asked questions.
It's natural to have questions before you begin. Here are a few answers to help you decide whether this might be right for you.
Send Kristen an enquiryWhat is Relational Life Therapy?
Relational Life Therapy (RLT) is a couples therapy approach developed by Terry Real. It helps partners recognise unhelpful patterns, understand what may be driving them, and practise more constructive ways to communicate, take responsibility and connect.
How is RLT different from other couples counselling?
RLT is often more active and direct. Alongside understanding feelings and experiences, it pays close attention to behaviours that are affecting the relationship and the skills needed for change. Other therapy approaches can also be helpful; the right approach depends on the couple and circumstances.
Can RLT help if we keep having the same argument?
Recurring arguments are one reason couples seek RLT. The work can involve identifying what happens before, during and after conflict, understanding each person's reactions, and practising different ways to respond. Results vary.
What about infidelity or broken trust?
Trust difficulties and infidelity can be part of couples counselling where appropriate. The work may include exploring the impact of what has happened, accountability, boundaries and whether rebuilding trust is possible. No particular outcome can be guaranteed.
Do we both need to attend?
RLT is designed for relational work and often involves both partners. If one person is uncertain about attending, please contact me to talk about what options or next steps might be appropriate.
Do you offer online relationship counselling?
Yes. I offer online couples counselling across New Zealand, alongside in-person appointments in Christchurch. Scheduling and suitability depend on current availability and individual circumstances.
How long does couples counselling take?
There isn't a fixed timeline. The number and frequency of sessions depend on your circumstances, goals, and the work we agree is appropriate.
What does the ++ in RLT certification mean?
In the Relational Life Institute's historical certification framework, ++ denotes Advanced Certification, involving additional live small-group training and evaluation of therapeutic work beyond the earlier certification level. You can read more about RLT credentials on the institute's certification guidance.
How do we make a booking?
Use the appointment information on the online booking page, or email me if you have a question about couples counselling before booking.
LET’S TALK
Have a question before you book?
You’re welcome to get in touch. Whether you’re wondering if Relational Life Therapy is the right fit, or you’d like to ask about in-person or online sessions, I’m happy to hear from you.
Prefer to book directly?See available sessions
Or contact me by emailkristen@relationshipcounselling.nz
This form is for general enquiries, not urgent or emergency support.
Send Kristen a message
Complete the short form and I’ll get back to you when I can.
A PLACE TO START
Ready to start a different conversation?
You don't need to have everything worked out before reaching out. If you're considering support for your relationship, you're welcome to explore the next step.
In person in Christchurch · Online throughout New Zealand